Multi-Hundred Dollar Records

I was on the bus riding down 16th Street.  Some middle age guy that looked and sounded just like Mike Tyson was near the front talking some lady's ear off.  She was annoyed but being polite because the guy didn't seem very stable.

 

The Talker made some profound point about something and tried to get a co-sign from another man who was reading the paper.  The man told the Talker he didn't want to be bothered because he was reading the paper.

 

The Talker went off and started yim-yammering about his right to free speech, climaxing with, "This is public transportation and the public can say whatever it wants."

 

The Talker got off at his stop, still cussing and yelling at the man reading the paper.

 

The man said, "You have a nice day, sir."

 

The Talker replied, "Suck my nut." 

I went to the unemployment office to straighten some things out.  Actually, I went to the human development office by mistake and didn't find out until after I'd cleared the security checkpoint.

 

Anyway, there was an older woman in front of me preparing to go through the checkpoint where everyone had to put their coats through the x-ray machine.

 

She was sincere when she said, "Can you please hand scan this, it's Burberry?"

 

I laughed in my head.

 

The security guard, likely an alumna of the now-defunct Hawk One Security, told her to put it through and that the coat would be OK.  The lady politely obeyed.

 

There are definitely some new kids in town.

I'm not the calmest Redskins fan, but when the game is over it's over for me.  I can't say the same about my friends and one friend in particular who I'll call Larry.

 

I went with Larry and some friends to a Redskins-Cowboys game. The Skins lost miserably after a strong start and Larry took it hard.

 

Ordinarily Larry is a gentleman and very friendly. That went out of the window as he was trying to pull out of our parking space, but couldn't because the woman in the car next to us left her door open while she was snacking in the front seat.

 

“Excuse me!”

 

She didn't hear Larry.

 

“Excuse me!” He got her attention. “Can you move... please?”

 

She closed the door.

 

My friends and I tried to get Larry to calm down, but he responded with, "Man, I'm trying to get out of here and this bitch is sitting there eating cheese and crackers!"

 

We erupted in laughter, knowing he was really mad at the Skins.

 

Larry pulled out of the space and then floored it for the next 50 feet, which was as far as we could go in the jammed parking lot, and then slammed the brakes. Luckily we were in a busted old mini van so we probably only got up to 20 mph.

 

A few minutes later some guys started fighting a row over so we egged them on.  Then we spent the next three days waiting to get out.

 

I went to FedEx Field with my dad for a Redskins game maybe six years ago.

 

It was a typical Redskins affair in which they played reasonably well but lost in the fourth quarter. My dad, the ever hopeful homer, was deflated by the loss.

 

We were standing in line to catch the shuttle back to the Metro and a bunch of hogs were griping.

 

“You know 50 percent of the teams in the NFL lost today,” said some Skins fan in the crowd.

 

That's loser talk.

With today being Easter Sunday, I think I'll use this post to quote the rap group Non-Phixion (NSFW).

 

"Jesus Christ was a gangsta rapper / They killed him, he came back and made a platinum album."

 

Think about it.

My attorney sent me this great deal today, and it got me thinking.

 

In some ways predicted doom ain't that bad.

 

There's some serious pressure on us persons of faith* to believe that we can know things about the universe that we can't learn scientifically. I believe in a big-G-god that created the universe, so the idea of of him/her/it/schlim beaming an image of the future into my brain isn't unbelievable.

 

I also think the fulfillment of a prophecy of the destruction of Earth via natural forces would be a load off humankind's collective mind. Then we'd know something is out there, i.e, God. "Lucky guess" would be a pretty weak comeback when you hand Nostradamus XXIII the $5 you owe.

 

That said, I don't think anyone will ever predict the end accurately. Faith makes things interesting. Magic shows were way cooler when you were 10 right? The universe isn't here for us to know it's a waiting room for something way better (or worse). It's our sandbox for building our potential and character though it may be all for naught.

 

For now, until we find out what this thing is about for certain, it's our duty to shore up that existential anxiety and train our palates now. We won't be barfing up vitamin enriched survival food later... maybe.

 

*Actual faith may vary and may be limited to situations of extreme risk to life and limb, hip-hop album award acceptance speeches and the Super Bowl.

It's April 1 and spring as arrived with the return of the IRON PIGEON.

 

This bad boy got me to work just three minutes late, shaving 8-10 minutes off my walking time and 34-41 minutes off Metro bus or rail time.

 

Are you looking for safe, reliable urban transport that's environmentally friendly and makes exercise fun? Look no further.

 

The Pigeon's got it all:

Hey Dave, why don't use just right a bike like the rest of the transpo geeks

Psh! That old thing? Bikes were invented in the 18th century. You might as well ask me to saddle up a horse or hop on a steam engine.

 

Bikes are big and bulky and hard to store. You can leave them on bike racks, but that requires expensive locks that get broken anyway. How many times have you read about meth addicts sitting for hours on end to crack the "security" code on your bike lock? Millions, I bet.

 

Bikes also require complicated maintenance and can cost tens of dollars to fix.  MH$R sure doesn't have 10s of dollars to spare.

 

The Iron Pigeon is light and folds up neatly for easy carrying and storage. The only way you're getting mine is prying it from my cold dead hands. The Pigeon also comes with a FREE Allen wrench for quick and easy tuning.

 

Get yours today and quit your hunch-backed hobbling about the city! Tear up the streets with the IRON PIGEON! 

I'm what you call a studio gangster. Actually, not even that. My music is peaceful and I've never been in a fight.

 

Ironically, my favorite music group of all time is Bone thugs-n-harmony. I got hooked after hearing their 1995 hit single and welfare anthem "1st Of Tha Month." I've followed Bone's career every since and bought most of their music. I think they're easily one of the most talented groups on the planet.

 

That said, there's the issue of character and "what to do about that" for lack of a better phrase. My values are rapidly changing and these guys are challenging them.

 

The recent arrest of Flesh-n-Bone has brought me to this point. Long story short, the guy spent almost nine years in jail, got arrested shortly after getting out last June and was recently arrested again on a 12 year old warrant stemming from an alleged assault on his mother.

 

Studio gangsters, these guys are not, and their court records prove it. I can't and wouldn't defend them and would be scared to hang out with them in a club or even at the supermarket.  But the music, no matter how gritty or thuggish, gets a pass, right?

 

Fine.

 

Hitting your mother is pretty fucked up, though. Even a self-defense situation is going to be hard to justify there.

 

So what do I do about that?

 

Bizzy Bone seems fried from years of substance abuse and Krazyie Bone claims to have stopped smoking weed after his lung collapsed. Wish and Layzie Bone, like the others have had their legal issues. I think it's safe to say they all have shot (at) someone and/or robbed multiple people.

 

It all makes for great music, but where do I draw the line? I won't buy a Soulja Boy album because the songs are asinine. I will buy music by a guy that went to jail for threatening a neighbor with an AK-47 and explosives and beat up his mom.

 

How does that even make sense?

I wasn't sold on Blu-ray, despite my attorney's arguments, until my girlfriend bought me a player.  Now I'm on the bandwagon.  It's seriously unlocked the potential of my TV and renewed my interest in buying movies.

 

This weekend I picked up Quarantine and 28 Days Later, the latter being my favorite horror movie ever, at Best Buy, and while I was browsing I stumbled across this gem: Black Soul Dynamite.

 

My girlfriend's parents got us hooked on Blaxploitation films so we've been watching them whenever we get a chance.  So I couldn't pass up on this collection of 10 such films.

 

One title stood out from the rest.  Mafia vs. Ninja.  Let me just say, this shit is hilarious.  Long story short, the plot, voice-overs and acting leave a lot to the imagination, but the action is solid albeit absurd.

 

The only issue with it is it isn't actually a Blaxploitation film.  As a matter of fact, there's only one black guy in it and he doesn't play a central role.  However the movie does have ninjas disguised as lawnmower clippings and the main character blocks a sword strike to his chest with... his chest.  I can't make this shit up.

 

It's not worth a buy or even a rental, so argghhh, matey.

Contrary to the site's slogan, I don't have that much say.  Maybe I should focus on recording music.

 

So for now, tales from the bus:

 

One morning I got on a bus during rush hour that was packed.  The bus driver started to pull off but the light was red.  All of a sudden some this woman starts banging on the door like she's trying to break it open.  She starts cussing at the bus driver to let her in.  The bus driver looked at her but didn't open the door considering her attitude.

 

The woman gets furious and stands in front of the bus and starts cussing more. She tells him to call Metro because she could "stand there all day."  The light turns green.  The bus driver was boned.  He couldn't hold up a bus full of people over a woman having a bad day (life).

 

He lets her on and she continues to cuss at him while she paid and asked for a transfer.  She had her 8 year old daughter with her the whole time.

 

--

 

I got on a bus during rush hour that was packed.  All I could hear from the back was a teenage girl's voice talking incessantly in Spanish.  I thought it was some young girl being obnoxious on the bus to one of her friends or on a cell phone.

 

As the bus started to empty I moved my way to the back.  When I get back there, I realized it was some old lady talking to herself or maybe everyone.  I had no idea what she was saying, but it was annoying as hell.  She got off soon.

 

--

 

I got on a bus during rush hour that was packed.  The driver stopped at a stop.  Some dude standing there listening to a CD player started yelling things into the bus like he was a hype man for a rapper.  He kept yelling and yelling.  And then the bus pulled off.  And then he kept yelling across the street.